Things my assistant, Michelle, has said

"That was the worst diaper I have changed in years!  I swear my eyebrows fell off and eyelashes.  They burnt right off...horrible!"

"When Lindsay took the diaper bag out, I almost threw up."

"After that diaper, we should have called the department of defense for a chemical spill."

"I need to go to town on that diaper pail.  Take it to the hose and drench it in bleach."

"Damn, I was a poet early in the morning." (by text message)

"After my kids go to bed, I just sit in front of the TV and color."

"Did you warn Lindsay that I a clean fanatic when I start going to town cleaning?"

"My girls are in bed.  They were fighting over a damn barbie.  I said ohhh heck no, off to bed you go!" (by text message)